Texters, talkers and seat-kickers...

‘Why do I go to the cinema?’ I asked myself half way through the monotonous, overrated and utterly underwhelming 50 Shades of Grey.

I should have stayed at home, in the comfort of my own house, eating food that didn’t cost a small fortune and avoided the inevitable queue for the year’s most highly anticipated movie.

Before you roll your eyes at yet another critical review of 50 Shades, this blog post is actually not about the beautiful Jamie Dornan or the frustratingly annoying Dakota Johnson. It was, however, inspired by my visit to the cinema to see the movie last Wednesday night.

Now, I wasn’t expecting the movie itself to blow me out of the water but, all in all, I was looking forward to going to the cinema. Sometimes we go just for the experience more so than the actual film itself; for a night out with friends or for a date night with your other half.

Something very similar to this happened me last week...

But last week I questioned my own judgement as to why I bother going at all. To see a film I can probably illegally download on my laptop? To eat ridiculously over-priced popcorn? No.

Every now and again the cinema experience is not the relaxing night we had planned. Sometimes, like last Wednesday, it can actually be a living nightmare. Talkers, texters and people who find pleasure in kicking the back of your seat are all reasons your cinema experience can go oh-so-wrong. If you’re one of those people then maybe you should stop reading now…

 The Talkers

There’s always one, isn’t there? Someone who can’t quite seem to keep up with the plot and who proceeds to ask a hundred and one questions throughout the movie. Maybe if you stopped asking questions and focused on what was happening you might actually know. Just a thought. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, there are the people who feel it necessary to provide a running commentary on every single movement. Yes I’m here too. Watching the same movie as you. Yes, I can see what just happened. No, I do not need to hear your annoying, little voice repeating what I can already see!

The I’m-super-popular-can’t-leave-my-phone-down-people

Yes, I’m talking about you with your head bent scrolling through your Facebook news feed or frantically texting some other I’m-so-popular-can’t-leave-my-phone-down creature. There is no need to text in the cinema. Seriously, can you really not leave your phone out of your hands for an hour or two? And as for the cinema snapchatters out there. Please. None of your snapchat buddies really want to see a pitch dark snapchat from you declaring how much fun you’re having in the cinema. Put the phone away.

The Food that cost an arm and a leg

 

Despite how over-priced it can be, food at the cinema is a must. Preferably a medium sized popcorn and coke or even some sneaky supplies you bought in Tesco on the way to the cinema. Some people just don’t think about the rest of the people sitting around them who might want to enjoy the film in peace. Eating pistachio nuts, or any other extremely loud and annoying type of food, is not ok and it never will be.

The Late-comers

The late-comers are up there with the seat-kickers. It’s just so annoying. Granted there are those who come in late and have the decency to be embarrassed by it but this, I’m afraid, is not the norm. The people who waltz in, ten minutes into the start of the film, and loudly ponder where they will sit or how much of the movie they’ve missed are the worst kind of people. This is not ok. Please, think of the audience.

The I'm-so-in-love-I-can't-stop-shifting-couple
Ah, couples. Shifting the face off each other might have been ok ten years ago when you were 14-years-old but it’s not ok anymore. Just because it’s dark doesn’t mean we can’t see or hear you. Have some self-control. 

Photos c/o: Wordpress and the National Times.